Lifeline
by Annie Coomes
Summary: Prompt: Headhunters; After Slaughter punches Castle in the gut, and after Kate walks away, Castle feels an explosion of pain in his midsection and passes out.
1. Chapter 1

_Prompt from Castle Fan Fic Promoter Blog: Headhunters, After Slaughter punches Castle in the gut, and after Kate walks away, Castle feels an explosion of pain in his midsection and passes out._

Xxx

 **Lifeline**

Castle watched Kate walk away from him, her words stinging in his ears as the hunched figure of her long form disappeared down the hallway.

"That's what partners are supposed to do."

Her words burned all the way to the pit of his stomach as he fought the urge to follow her. The last few weeks had been harder than he'd thought. He was determined to push her away, the sting of her betrayal still too deep for the wound to even begin to close. But as he watched her disappear before him, the thin line of her shoulders set with sadness, the familiar tug within his heart gravitated him towards her.

Castle started to move towards her, wanting to thank her properly, wanting to remove the dark smudges under her eyes that haunted him, knowing that he had caused them. The sudden pain in his abdomen was so sharp it took away his breath momentarily. He pressed a wide hand to his tender stomach, cursing the dark bruising he knew would stain his skin by morning. A sense of longing took hold of him, to a time where Kate would have searched his face, her eyes wide with worry whilst her fingertips touched his skin, gently reassuring herself.

He tried to shake the feeling, his feet unsure as whether to head to the elevator or towards her. She doesn't love you, he reminded himself. The thought sending a crashing wave of pain through him, heavier than the fist to his gut. He stopped to lean against the wall, his heart pounding within his chest as he contemplated his decision, how crushed she had looked when he had asked about partnering with Slaughter yesterday morning. God he missed her.

Castle remained leaning against the wall longer than he had anticipated, he was having troubling catching his breath and could hear his rapid heartbeat echoing in his ears. He pressed his hands to his face which felt cold against his skin, he pulled his hands back to see them drenched in sweat. Something wasn't right. It was as though he could feel the world spinning on it's axis, causing him to sway in time with it's movements, a dull ringing beginning to flood his ears drowning out the sound of his thundering heartbeat. He pressed his hands flat against the wall behind him, his knees feeling weak beneath him. Why was the world spinning so quickly?

"Kate" he called out to her, surprised by the voice he heard, it sounded weak and panicked. He tried again, clearing his throat.

"Kate"

She emerged from a doorway a few steps away from him, he could hear the sigh on her voice as she spoke.

"What, Castle?"

He managed to drag his eyes up to meet her face, an apology forming on his lips, but the spinning became too much for him and he fell heavily to the floor beneath him, the words lost into the tiled floor of the precinct.

The second Kate saw Castle's face, alarm began to creep into her senses, his skin was pale and clammy, he clung to the wall like it was the only thing keeping him upright. She instantly regretted her harsh words to him as his eyes darted frantically around the narrow hallway. The next sound she heard was that of his heavy frame colliding with the floor beneath him, an involuntary squeak escaped her mouth before she ran to him.

Kate's hair cloaked her face as she knelt before him, the tips of the strands tickling his pale face.

"Castle? Castle?" She called out desperately, running her hands over the cool skin of his face. When he didn't respond panic flared within her, her fingers harshly shaking his face, begging him to wake up. She was finding it hard to breathe, the air catching in her throat as she tried to rouse him. Then she remembered the punch. She ran her hands down his body, her fingers skimming the muscles of his chest in a way she would normally dream about, until they reached the right side of his abdomen. The skin felt hard beneath her trembling fingers, his buttons fumbling in her hands as she desperately tried to open his shirt. She ended up tearing it open, the echo of buttons skittering down the hallway filling her ears. Kate's fingers danced across the tufts of hair on his stomach until her fingers found the poppy bruise that stained his skin. The area was hard with tension, the angry mark seeming to spread beneath her eyes. She raised a hand to his neck, pressing her fingers gently against his stubbly skin searching for a pulse. For a heart stopping moment she couldn't find one, she held her breath, her world collapsing in around her, until she felt a faint movement against her fingers. Her breath left her in a rush. His pulse was weak, struggling to beat against his skin. Her fingers traced the edge of his cheek where the outline of his smile should be.

"Call the EMTs" she shouted, her voice cracking as she took in his broken form. She pressed her other hand against her open mouth, almost surprised to find it wet from the tears she didn't realise were streaming down her face.

"Come on Castle, not like this. Not now" she whispered, leaning into his face, her tears dropping from her face and running down his.

Kate could hear movement behind her as people came to stare and dial frantically for help but she remained oblivious to it. Her long body hunched over his, one hand caressing his face whilst the other hand guarded his bruise. She cried freely now, not caring who saw her, as she begged him over and over not to die on her.

After what felt like a lifetime the EMTs were behind her, laying gentle hands on her shoulders, trying to move her so they could work on Castle.

"Ma'am? You need to move". They spoke gently but with authority.

"No, no. I'm not leaving him. I'm not leaving him". She didn't recognise her own voice, it sounded so desperate it hurt her heart to hear it.

"We can't help him if you don't move".

Kate shifted to one side, her hands clutching his in her lap, her thumbs moving slowly over his skin as though she could pour her own life into him.

"What happened?"

"He…he was hit" she tried to hold in the sob that was rising within her, "Then he just collapsed".

"I've got a pulse, it's weak and shallow but it's there. He's in shock. Abdomen is rigid, possible internal bleeding. Let's get him on the stretcher."

Kate stepped back as they lifted him, he looked so weak, lost in a slumber that he could not control. As they strapped him in, pressing an oxygen mask over his face, she never let go of his hand, as though she were the life support that was keeping him breathing. She ran alongside the stretcher, murmuring words to him as they moved, begging him to live; for her.

Kate sat in the back of the ambulance with him, the sirens she knew were blaring didn't permeate her mind, all she could hear in her head was his confession to her months ago. She tried not to think about it, knowing he might not feel that way anymore, the fear in that thought nearly as overwhelming as the quick turns from the ambulance.

They reached the hospital within ten minutes, their ambulance being met by a team of doctors and nurses. Soon his arm was punctured with needles and thin tubes ran out of his veins, pumping more blood into him, keeping him alive. They cut off his shirt, the fabric left abandoned on the hospital floor as the pale sweat glistened off his chest.

"Miss, we're taking him into theatre now. You need to let him go"

"No…no" Kate whimpered, her hand still clinging to his as she looked at his face, he was barely recognisable beneath the maze of cables and monitors.

"He's bleeding internally. He needs to get into theatre in the next ten minutes so we can find the cause of the bleed".

Kate stumbled on another breath, her free hand running down his vacant face.

"Please live, please" she choked against his skin before pressing her lips to his. She'd been dreaming of kissing him, but not like this. His lips were cold and lifeless against hers, not like the last time they'd kissed, where she could feel the life in him through the demanding taste of his mouth.

"I love you, Rick. I love you".

They wheeled him away from her, his fingers pulling from hers as they ran down the wide corridor leaving her standing empty and broken in the hospital hallway. She used her hands to wipe away the tears that coursed down her face, ignoring the tremors that shook against her skin. Kate turned and picked up his tattered shirt from the floor, holding it to her face, praying that she would see him again. That she would be able to confess those words to him and feel the warmth of his lips pressing on hers. For now, all she could do was wait, breathing in his scent and silently begging him not to die.

Xxx

A/N: This was originally going to be a oneshot but I have an overwhelming need to continue…


	2. Chapter 2

_I'm so overwhelmed by the response to this! Thank you all so much! It was quite helpfully pointed out to me that 'theatre' in England doesn't mean quite the same as in America, so I just wanted to reassure you that Castle was in surgery and not at a musical ;)_

 _Xxx_

 **Chapter Two**

Kate sat alone in the dim light of the hospital corridor, the fluorescent lighting flickered overhead casting deep shadows down the walls and onto the tiled floors. Kate had spent the first ten minutes standing in disbelief, holding the crumpled material of his shirt against her chest, trying to feel connected to him in any way that she could. Then she'd begun to pace, her legs carrying her up and down the long corridor, her mind replaying the punch over and over in her mind. The way he'd doubled over in pain before straightening to thank her, his smile not quite reaching his eyes before she'd turned and walked away from him. She dropped into the nearby chair, the hard plastic creaking against her movement, the dull ache in her heart worsening as she thought about their rift. It was something she still couldn't bare to think of, they'd come so far, she had been so nearly ready to let him in, and he'd turned on her. Abandoned her. Now he lay fighting for his life. She blinked back tears again, she wanted to tell him, she wanted him to hear her as she confessed.

Pushing the selfish thoughts from her mind, Kate stood drawing her phone from her pocket and placing the tatters of his shirt in her back pocket. Her fingers trembled as they tapped against the screen finding Martha's number. She suddenly felt so very small and so very alone, she wasn't sure she could make this call, to catapult Martha and Alexis into the pain that was rolling through her. She drew in a deep breath, trying to use it to steady her voice as the phone began to ring.

"Katherine, darling" she heard Martha's tones echo through the phone, her voice sounding warm and homey. It was times like this that made Kate wish she still had a mother. A mother whose shoulder she could cry into whilst she stroked her hair. Pressing her free hand into her eyes she took another breath.

"Martha, hi". Her voice betrayed her instantly, it sounded weak and hollow to her own ears.

"What is it? Katherine, what's happened?"

"It's Castle…" Her voice wobbled as she dragged in a breath, trying to stop the fresh wave of tears that threatened to overwhelm her.

"Is he…" Martha's voice trailed off, Kate could hear the fear lacing her words. "Is he dead?"

"No, no" Kate choked out, "Castle was hurt. I'm in the hospital now."

"Hurt? How badly?"

"They rushed him straight into the OR, they suspected internal bleeding and wanted to find the cause".

Kate sat down again, saying the words aloud had caused her eyesight to begin to waver, the familiar hum of panic filling her ears.

"Oh my goodness! We'll be there right away".

Martha ended the call and Kate could imagine them, a fluster of red crowning their pale faces as they rushed across town towards him.

There was nothing Kate could do now but wait, the silence of the corridor permeated by the heavy ticking of the clock on the wall, the crashing weight of the second hand slamming into her every time, reminding her of exactly how much time had passed. She pressed the palms of her hands against her eyes, rocking her head backwards so that it pressed against the wall. She hid in this makeshift darkness letting her mind wander through her memories. The warm cup of coffee on her desk; the way his fingers accidentally brushed against hers sending sparks up her spine; the warmth of his smile; the excitement that he wore so freely on his face; the deep slow smile he greeted her with; the words he whispered to her as she lay dying in his arms.

"Beckett?" The warm hands on her shoulder shook her back to reality. She removed her hands, her eyes adjusting as the pinprick stars faded from her vision. Ryan and Espo knelt before her, their eyes wide with concern as they looked at her.

"Hey, Beckett" Ryan pulled himself up to the chair next to hers. "How's he doing?"

She shook her head, her curls dancing back and forth against her shoulders.

"No word. They took him straight into surgery, said something about internal bleeding".

Espo caught Ryan's eye and he nodded, walking along to the nurses station to ask for an update.

"What happened?" Espo's voice was gentle as he took in her form; she was unrecognisable, her sharp features clouded by grief.

"Slaughter… Slaughter punched him. He was okay for a few minutes, then he just collapsed".

"Slaughter did this?" Kate could hear the anger riding in his voice cloaked by disbelief, "but he's one of us".

Kate's eyes flashed to his, anger beginning to shine through the grief.

"He is not one of us. Anyone who does this does not deserve to have the badge, does not deserve to wear the title. Castle is more of a cop everyday than that asshole has even been in his entire life".

The rage seemed to lift her, forcing some of her broken pieces back together as she rose before Espo, her eyes aflame with anger and betrayal as she stalked along the hallway.

"He's a cop. A fricking detective and he punches him in the gut and just swans on out of there, leaving him to… to this!" Kate threw her hands in the air in frustration, her footsteps heavy as she let the anger tense her body.

Espo rose to stand beside her, his brow set in a firm line as he glanced around the empty corridor.

"What do you want me to do?" It was a low whisper, Kate understanding the meaning behind it immediately. She stood for a moment, weighing his offer in her mind as she studied the fierce glint in his dark eyes.

"Find him. Find him then let me have him. That jackass is going to pay". Espo recognised the tone of her voice, it wasn't a threat, it was a promise. She was going to hunt Slaughter down, just as she had her mother's killer, and she would get her justice.

Ryan appeared behind them, his footsteps echoing quietly as Kate spun round to face him. Her eyes searched his face for news, her body still curled with tension.

"He's in surgery. They expect it to take three hours, he's already an hour in. They're working to identify the source of the bleed and to stop it."

Kate nodded slowly before pressing her lips into the ghost of a smile.

"Thank you". The words were quiet, honest.

"Is there anything else you need us to do? Anyone you want us to call?"

"No, I've spoken to Martha, she's on her way with Alexis."

Ryan moved to sit in the chair leaning against the corridor wall.

"You don't need to stay, they'll be here soon".

Ryan's face fell into a frown, confusion shading his eyes as he looked up at Kate. She turned to face Espo, the meaning clear in her eyes.

"Find him."

Espo nodded in return, his eyes hard and ready for what lay ahead.

Kate lay a hand on each of their shoulders.

"Thank you". The boys didn't reply except to pull her into a quick hug, she resisted for a moment before falling into it, the moment of contact reminding her that she wasn't alone. Then her eyes were stinging again as she watched their shadows disappear, her own words echoing in her head.

Kate leant back against the wall, her fingers touching the chain that rested around her neck, the ring glinting in the dull light as she wondered if she was about to lose another life, lose another future. Her fingers spun the ring round and round, the silence of the corridor broken only by the sound of rushing footsteps. Kate dropped the ring back into her shirt and looked up to see a swirl of red coming towards her.

Martha appeared first with Alexis at her side, their porcelain skin was shadowed with fear, their eyes wide as they searched Kate's.

"They just gave me an update. He's still in surgery, he will be for two more hours. They're looking for the source of the bleeding".

Martha and Alexis were holding hands, holding onto each other as they listened to the news. Kate held her own hand before her, trying to gain a small piece of comfort from it.

"What happened?". The fear on Alexis' face was clear, her small eyes staring into Kate as she awaited her answer.

"The detective your dad was following, the one with the severed heads, he punched Castle in the stomach. A few minutes later he collapsed". Kate spoke the truth, never breaking from Alexis' gaze.

"He punched him? Why would he punch him?"

Kate drew in a breath, thinking of how best to word it but Alexis broke in again.

"Where were you?". Kate could hear the accusation in her voice. It was her fault Castle was in the hospital, her fault he was in the precinct, her fault he was able to meet Slaughter in the first place.

"I was there" Kate's voice sounded small and unsure as she looked down at her clasped hands, hearing the echo of the punch in her mind again.

"You were there? How could you let this happen? How could you?" Alexis' words were lost into a sob as she fell into Martha's waiting arms. She heard Martha shush her as she rocked her gently, tears gleaming in her own eyes.

Kate began to walk backwards, taking small steps away from them until she reached the end of the corridor. Then she pivoted where she stood, her legs quickening beneath her until she could hear the rush of her blood in her ears. She blinked, looking around at the unknown corridor she was now in, searching for a space she could hide in.

The smell of bad coffee drew her towards the family room, she peeked through the window and saw it was empty, so she entered, claiming her refuge. Kate sunk into one of the narrow chairs, the cushions lumpy from years of use. She let her head fall forward to her knees, her hair creating a cloak around her as she sat, her hands pressed into the bones of her shins. She fought the panic rising within her, trying to remember the breathing techniques her therapist had taught her. She counted to ten, breathing in and out, counting over and over again until she was lost, all she could see and hear were numbers.

"Katherine"

The voice pulled her back, she unfurled her body, ignoring the aches which told her she'd remained in that position for too long.

"She didn't mean it". Martha's voice was soft as she sat down next to her, her make up smudged by the tears that had dried upon her cheeks.

"I'm so sorry, Martha". Kate looked at her, her eyes wide and full of apologies.

"This isn't your fault. You didn't make this happen."

Kate looked at her wishing she knew the truth, not knowing that she already did.

"It is. This is all my fault. If only I hadn't…" Her voice trailed off. Martha clasped her hand with one of her own, before gently pushing a strand of hair from Kate's face. Kate looked down at their hands, the connection giving her a jolt of hope.

"He was angry with me. He was so angry with me and I don't know why."

"Oh, Katherine."

Martha pulled Kate to her, holding her against her shoulder as she softly stroked her hair. Martha wished she could tell Kate the truth, the weight of the secret sinking through her grief.

"He still cared about you, darling" she murmured to Kate, feeling Kate's sharp intake of breath against her shoulder. Kate looked up at Martha's face, a sad smile passing over her lips.

"I should let you get back to Alexis"

Martha squeezed her hand.

"Come with me, wait with us?" She asked, her eyes watching her kindly.

"Oh no, that's okay. Your family should be together".

Martha watched as Kate rearranged her armour, her moment of vulnerability having passed and her wall against the world going back up.

"Darling, you are family".

Xxx

A/N: I'm taking my class on a residential trip tomorrow so I won't be able to update again until the end of the weekend, even though I'm dying to, sorry!


	3. Chapter 3

_Thank you all so much! For the reviews, follows and reading! We had a fantastic trip, and after falling asleep at six o'clock last night, I woke up early and raring to write! So happy early update! :)_

 _Xxx_

 **Chapter Three**

They sat together, Kate, Alexis and Martha, as they waited in the softer cushioned chairs of the waiting room. As the night drew in no one else joined them except the darkness of the night crowding the windows and the harsh buzz of the small refrigerator. Alexis and Martha held hands, the creased skin of Martha's fading into the contrasting pale skin of Alexis. Kate sat with her knees pulled up onto the chair, her arms hugged around them, she was sure her therapist would say something about building a barricade, but that was exactly what she felt like she needed.

They waited in silence, the hum of the refrigerator filling their ears. Every time a footstep moved down the hallway and paused outside the door to the room, all three of them tensed. But still no one entered.

Kate was exhausted, she could feel it burning beneath her eyelids every time she blinked. She had spent the first part of the previous night wandering the alley with Castle, searching for evidence. She'd spent the remainder of the night lying awake in her bed, wondering if she'd lost him for good and trying to work out if this should be her spot to make her stand. The truth was she hadn't slept properly since this had started, since he started showcasing leggy air hostesses in his convertible and turning down invitations to Remy's for burgers and shakes with her. He'd never said no to a burger before. She'd started to find she could no longer drink his coffee, it had started to leave a bitter taste in her mouth. When he did remember to bring her coffee, the smile was missing, the silent song and dance behind it that they both played along to had stopped. As much as she didn't want to admit it, it hurt Kate's heart. She'd spent many long nights alone with a bottle of wine, replaying conversations in her mind, still unable to work out what she'd done or said to drive him away. There was one thought that skittered around the edge of her mind, that she fought not to acknowledge; that she'd waited too long, that he didn't love her anymore. Her therapist had told her she was healing, not waiting, but it didn't detract from the facts.

"Katherine?" Martha's soft tone pulled her from her thoughts, her compassionate smile told her she could read the anguish that had unknowingly crept onto her face. "You look exhausted, darling. Sleep. We'll wake you if there's any news."

Kate gave her a small smile. She didn't want to tell her she was afraid of sleeping, that her nightmares had become worse. Previously, she would relive the shooting, the bullet ripping through her chest before she fell into Castle's arms, awakening in a cold sweat. In the last two weeks the bullet sent her flying but he wasn't there to catch her, he didn't whisper those sweet words to her and beg her to stay. As she felt the life pouring out of her, sticky and warm upon her hands, she would see him in the distance, a woman on either arm, walking away from her with barely a backwards glance before he gave a small shrug as the darkness claimed her. In her worst nightmare, her screams were so loud she was eventually awakened by a neighbour pounding on the door and she had needed to spend thirty minutes sitting fully dressed beneath the cold stream of the shower in order to regain control over her breathing. In that dream Castle had been the sniper, a small smug grin on his face when she fell.

"Thank you, but no. I'll be okay."

Kate knew Martha could see through her lie by the way she pressed her hand into hers, giving it a small squeeze. She squeezed back, appreciating Castle's mother for not pushing her.

The silence returned and they now sat as a three, their hands interlinked ready for whatever news would come.

Xxx

Some time later the door swung open, a small man entered with rolled sleeves and tired eyes.

"Family of Richard Castle?" He called out, barley finishing his sentence before the three of them jumped up, with a chorus acknowledgment.

"I'm Dr. Morris, the trauma surgeon." he introduced himself.

"I'm Martha, his mother. This is Alexis, his daughter."

"I'm Kate, he's… he's" she struggled for the words, unsure of how to describe this vital piece of her life. "He's my partner" she finished lamely.

"Is he okay?" Martha's question hung heavily in the air.

"Yes, he's in recovery now."

All three released a breath it seemed they'd been holding onto for hours.

"Let's sit" the doctor instructed as he gestured to the chairs around him. The sat in a semicircle facing him, each of them leaning forward in anticipation.

"Okay. Richard was brought in with signs of internal bleeding within the abdomen and was taken in for investigative surgery. Normally we'd use an ultrasound to locate the bleed, but his weak pulse and dropping blood pressure meant he was losing a lot of blood and we needed to act quickly."

The three of them hung on his every world, nodding and murmuring appropriately as he continued.

"In surgery we discovered a blunt injury to the liver caused by a blow to the abdomen. The blow had caused a severe laceration to the liver – a haemorrhage. We were able to control some of the bleeding with sutures, however Richard continued to lose a substantial amount of blood, and his blood pressure had dropped dangerously low. We decided in order to prevent the progression of trauma, and to increase the likelihood of survival-"

A small sob escaped Martha's mouth as silent tears fell down Alexis' face. Kate sat motionless, absorbing the words into her tense body.

"We performed a partial liver resection."

"What, what does that mean?" Alexis squeaked, still clutching Martha's hand.

"It means we removed the damaged part of his liver. The liver is a regenerative organ, so within time, and the proper rehabilitation, his liver should regrow to its near former state."

"Is he going to be okay?". Kate spoke now, her voice quiet as her fingers touched at the chain on her neck. The doctor gave them all a small smile.

"He should be okay. He'll be monitored over the next few days to check for signs of liver failure, and he'll need to be in hospital for at least a week. Recovery time for this type of surgery is around six weeks and he'll need regular check ups, but he has a good prognosis."

"Thank you, thank you so much!" Martha was up and hugging the doctor, her wet checks pressing into the clean shirt of his shoulder.

"Can we see him?"

"He's just being settled into recovery but I'll have a nurse come and collect you when he's in."

The doctor gave them a quick smile before leaving. Martha and Alexis grinned at each other, worry still haunted their eyes but the fear had lessened; they knew he was going to live. They hugged with sounds that were half joy and half tears, pausing only to envelope Kate. The three of them embraced, united by relief.

Half an hour later a nurse came to collect them, she led them through the maze of long corridors, all appearing the same to Kate, before they arrived at a quiet ward of small rooms. They paused outside a closed door, the nurse speaking to them in a hushed tone.

"He's fresh out of surgery so he may look a bit… different. Only two people in the room at a time. The machines make a lot of noise so don't panic, if anything's wrong the alarm will sound." She gave them all a soft smile.

"Talk to him, I always believe that they can hear you."

Kate turned to Alexis and Martha, she was dying to see him.

"You two go first, I'll wait out here."

Martha squeezed her arm in thanks, knowing how much she must want to see him too. The door was open, only momentarily as his family stepped through, and Kate strained to see him, her ears filled by the quiet beeps of the monitors keeping him alive. Then the door had shut. She'd barely been able to see him through the crowd of machines and cables marking his body. Giving his family their moment she turned to pace the corridor, the good news having released a rush of adrenaline giving her a second wind. She pulled out her phone to update Ryan and Espo, also using the opportunity to see if they'd found Slaughter yet. She sent them a quick text.

'Castle's out of surgery, should be okay. Lost part of his liver. Update?'

She'd barely pressed send when a response came flying back.

'That's good news. He's moving from bar to bar. We're on the trail. Should get him soon.'

Kate continued her pace, filling her mind with exactly what she'd do to Slaughter when they found him. She wasn't sure how long she spent imagining the gruesome things she'd love to do to him but the click of the door had her turning around swiftly.

They stood together looking much more at peace than they had five hours ago when they'd rushed down the hospital corridor.

"Katherine, would you like to go in?" Martha asked, despite already knowing the answer. As she moved towards the door a soft hand stopped her.

"Kate" Alexis looked up at her with eyes wide with guilt and unspoken apologies. "I'm sorry about earlier, I didn't mean what I said."

Kate just shook her head, she didn't want to admit to Alexis how much her words had hurt.

"It's okay. You were upset, your father was in surgery. I totally understand."

Kate gave her a small smile which Alexis bettered, reminding her of Alexis' father.

"Thank you" she squeezed her arm before removing it so Kate could enter the room.

Castle looked small in the hospital bed, his large frame covered by a map of wires leading to various machines that crowded the edge of his bed. The heartbeat monitor beeped reassuringly, the green lines reaffirming his life. She stood at the end of the bed, taking in his grey face and the way his normally floppy hair stuck to his forehead. She watched his chest rise and fall gently, her own breathing slowing to match his. His hands both had cannulas in, the tubes running up his arms to the dangling bags above him. She moved gingerly, trying to get closer to him, afraid to disturb him and the lifelines around him. One hand lay palm up so she took her own hand and pressed it gently onto his. His hand dwarfed hers, her fingers feeling slender against his skin which still radiated coolness. Her eyes flicked to the heartbeat monitor to check his heart really was still beating. She kept her hand pressed against his, wishing he needed it as much as she did, and used her other hand to unstick his hair from his forehead, the strands feeling thick beneath her fingertips. Listening to his breathing and feeling his skin knocked down her weakened defences.

"Oh, Castle". It was barely a whisper, but it was the thing that broke her. She lowered her head to the edge of his hospital bed, careful not to touch him except for where her palm rested against his, and let the grief claim her. Tears shook her exhausted body as she lay, finally connected to him again, unable to think of anything else except her joy at being with him again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

Kate wasn't aware of how long she spent there, her face pressed into the side of Castle's bed, her palm touching against his as the regular beeping of the machines filled her ears. Time seemed to stand still inside the small room, the clinical smell masking Castle's own scent. The only measure of passing time was the slow meandering of the moon across the sky, being chased by the thin rays of the dawn.

It was the movement that Kate registered first. The flat palm beneath hers bending slowly, as though testing its own use before slotting between her fingers. Kate barely dared to move, afraid her dreams were taunting her again and she'd raise her head to find his eyes still closed, the only signs of life being the slow rising and falling of his chest. But the fingertips began to squeeze hers, sending a flood of feeling through her veins.

Kate raised her head, her tangle of curls cloaking her pale face before tumbling back over her shoulders. His eyes were still closed, the lids flickering against the dim light of the room, as his chapped lips brushed against each other.

"Castle?" Kate spoke quietly, afraid that her words might somehow hurt him further. She kept her hands frozen in place, relishing the weight of his fingers between hers.

Castle coughed, rasping for air against his dry mouth, Kate glanced around the room spotting the small jug of water on the nearby table and poured him a glass. She held the glass to his lips, all the while her hand never leaving his grasp.

"I'm going to give you a little bit of water, okay?" She spoke softly as she pressed the cup against his mouth. He nodded, opening his dry lips to swallow the trickle of water she offered.

Then he opened his eyes. They were open barely a slit, but enough for Kate to see the blue depths of them shining through. They had lost their sparkle and seemed dull, almost glassy.

"Beckett." He croaked, his face spreading into a wide grin that caused his chapped lips to crack.

"Beckett. Becks. Kate. Kay. K-Bex." The words slurred out of his mouth, a woozy grin still claiming his face as he looked up into hers. He almost appeared to be swaying.

"Hey, Castle." Kate's voice sounded small and unsure. The distance of the previous weeks had seemed to evaporate in his drug filled state.

"Hey, K-Bex." He replied before giggling. Kate stopped where she was, staring in disbelief. He was giggling. It caused a mirror reaction in herself, a slow smile spreading across her features as a quick laugh tumbled out her mouth.

"Ooh, a smile." His eyes still vacant as they flitted endlessly around the room, the words falling out all as one.

Kate's heart ached as her memories took her flying back to years before, to the first time she'd really allowed herself to unwind with him in that shooting range. The first time she'd laughed with him. A true, life affirming laugh that was the soundtrack to her childhood, a sound and feeling she'd thought she'd lost many years before. A sound that over the next few years, she'd come to associate with him.

She squeezed his fingers, wishing she could say all she wanted to with just a touch.

"Katekate." He called, his eyelids were now firmly closed, and his mouth seemed to struggle against his words, as though he were drunk.

"I'm here, Castle." She pressed her other hand into his cheek, allowing herself to give it one quick stroke. He beamed like a puppy.

"Don't leave me, kay? Katie… Katie with the eyes that sparkle… We need to call the band... About the thing…"

With that his voice faded out, his hand falling limp against hers, his fingers still lost in between hers, anchored by her tight grasp. Kate sat for a moment, her heart pounding within her chest, her eyes studying his face. The fear and tension that had been clenched within her body began to uncurl, she could feel her stomach unknotting, the permanent weight on her shoulders lifting.

He was going to be alright. They were going to be alright. Kate felt guilty considering the situation, but a smile rested on her face, lighting the dark corners of her heart. He'd been pleased to see her.

Reluctantly, Kate removed her hands from his grasp and turned towards the door. Feeling suddenly bold she turned back, glancing around her before pressing a soft kiss to his forehead.

"I'm not going anywhere." She promised him, using her fingers to rub over where her lips had touched his skin, as though they had left a telling mark.

Stepping outside the door, Kate saw Alexis lying out along the chairs that lined the corridor, her face seeming younger in sleep. Kate stepped quietly over to a nearby nurse.

"Cas- ah, Richard, he woke up." The name felt alien on her tongue.

The nurse paused where she was frowning at Kate.

"He was awake?"

"Only for a moment." Kate fought the smile threatening to spill onto her lips at the sweet memory.

"That's surprising considering the number of drugs he's on." The nurse paused, catching the look on Kate's face before pressing a hand onto her arm.

"You're lucky you got anything coherent out of him." She smiled before turning into his room to check on him.

Martha caught Kate's eye from the end of the hall and gestured for her to sit with her. She sat next to the older lady, her red hair still shining in the hospital lights, her face having lost none of its glamour despite the streaked makeup.

Martha took her hand. Without speaking, Kate could see the turmoil in Martha's eyes, that she was wrestling with a decision within.

"Katherine, I just wanted to… To thank you."

Kate's brow began to furrow in confusion.

"You've always been there for him, whatever danger he's led himself into or trouble he's gotten himself into, you're always there. And I know that lately he's been a little bit-" Martha paused, trying to find the right words whilst Kate stared at the tiled pattern of the flooring. "He's been a bit distant. He seems to have lost his way."

"Oh, you don't need to thank me-" Kate began, trying to move away from the conversation that was causing panic to flutter within her now still heart.

"I do, I do, because I know he'd want me to thank you. Even if he doesn't remember to do it himself, it means a lot that you're here for him."

Kate didn't speak, she kept her eyes downcast, mentally counting the pattern of the tiles that spiralled along the floor. She didn't want to think back over the last few weeks, she didn't want to remember the distant looks and angry glances she caught whenever he lowered his mask of nonchalance long enough for her to see. She just wanted to remember his woozy, lopsided smile as he'd opened his eyes and seen her.

"Martha. It's okay. He'd have my back too." She tried to gloss over the deeper meaning to the conversation, feeling ashamed that her words didn't sound as convincing as they would have months before.

Martha let out a sigh, squeezing her hand once more as a nurse approached them, ending the conversation. Kate gave her a grateful glance.

"The sedative had begun to wear off, the adrenaline caused the drug to metabolise faster than normal. We've given him another dose, he should be under for a good few hours now." The nurse explained, smiling gently at their tired faces.

"You two look exhausted, why don't you go have a shower or take a nap? There's a family room just down the hall." The nurse suggested. Kate stifled a small yawn, feeling the grit of the long night against her skin before rising from the chair. Kate moved down the corridor, checking her phone as she walked, fighting the sigh when she saw there were no messages. She trusted her partners; they'd find him.

Inside the family room there was a small bathroom, Kate stepped into it, locking the door behind her. Kate began to peel off her clothes, folding them and leaving them stacked on top of the small shelf. She saw Castle's shirt poking out and pulled it towards her, holding it against the bare skin of her chest as she breathed in his scent again. She smiled wistfully, feeling a little bit silly now for clinging onto the tattered fabric, before replacing it in her pocket. Kate shook out the long locks of her hair, feeling the cool metal of her mothers ring pressing between her breasts. She ran her fingers along her skin, pausing to study the angry pink stain of her bullet wound. She frowned at the tightness of the scar, wishing it would fade so every time she saw herself she wouldn't be catapulted back into the memories of that day.

The heat of the water against her skin soon had Kate forgetting the memories that haunted her, and for ten minutes all she could think of was the pounding water melting the tension within her muscles. She'd planned to have a mug of bad hospital coffee, using the caffeine to pull her through until dawn, but sitting in the cotton towel, resting in one of the armchairs of the small room, Kate felt exhaustion claim her aching limbs.

When Kate awoke dawn had broken through the night sky, the light bleeding through the curling grey clouds that framed the hospital windows. Pulling back on yesterday's crinkled clothes, Kate ran her fingers through her hair before tucking her necklace back into her shirt.

Today was a day for new beginnings. She would talk to Castle, put the bad feelings of the last weeks behind them and move forward to the future they deserved. As Kate walked down the hallway, feeling her resolve waver she thought of his smile at seeing her. It was all the reassurance she needed. She could do this. Kate reached the door, her hand trembling gently against the cool metal handle as she twisted it in her palm. She opened the door to see daylight creeping through the blinds, falling upon his face. Her movement in the doorway awakened him and he blinked unsteadily at her.

"Morning, Castle." She breathed through her smile, allowing her resolve to carry her further into the room.

The look on his face broke her heart afresh. Castle looked at her through guarded eyes, this time she wasn't greeted with a smile. His lips were pulled tight, his eyes watching her warily as she approached.

Kate stopped where she was, feeling her stomach roil within her. She stumbled, her words dying in her throat, catching herself at the end of his bed as she searched his eyes for the love filled smile he greeted her with earlier. She was met by the same angry gaze that had been haunting her for weeks.

"What do you want, Beckett?"

He didn't remember. Kate held onto the end of the bed, struggling to breathe as her world came crashing in around her for the second time in as many days.

Xxx

A/N: Oh, the angst! I promise an arse kicking very soon to make up for it ;)


	5. Chapter 5

_Thank you all so much! I'm still overwhelmed by the response to this! I promise I'm trying to control the angst hungry devil dancing on my shoulder ;)_

Xxx

 **Chapter Five**

Kate could feel the tears stinging in the back of her eyes and she blinked quickly, refusing to let them fall. Castle lay before her, his face grey with blood loss as bags of fluids dripped life back into him. His blue eyes were dull against the morning sky, his hair now sticking back against his forehead where she had removed it only hours earlier. Kate could feel the distance growing between them by the second from the way he looked at her as though she had crippled him herself. She drew in a breath, his rasping voice echoing through her mind.

"I'll let your family know you're awake." She said weakly before spinning and moving quickly through the doors, her eyes never meeting his.

As Kate burst through the door she stumbled into Martha, her shoulder colliding heavily with Martha's elbow. Kate kept moving, refusing to allow the tears to fall, determined that he wouldn't see her cry. Especially not over him.

"Katherine?" Martha's worried voice echoed down the hallway but it was too late, Kate had already fled.

Martha reached up to touch her elbow where it was now faintly stinging. What concerned her more was the flash of pain she had seen in Kate's dark eyes as she ran. Knowing the reason behind it, she opened the hospital door, her breath catching in her throat as she saw her son.

Castle was now looking out of the window, his face drawn and contemplative as he tracked the movement of a lone cloud across the sky.

"Richard, darling." Martha pulled him from his thoughts as she lent over him, pressing a soft kiss, unknowingly, to the same spot Kate had touched earlier. Castle smiled up at her, squeezing her hand in response to her touch.

"Mother. What happened?" He asked, his voice still groggy as he looked down at himself, confusion settling over his features. Martha held his gaze as her brow furrowed.

"Didn't Katherine explain?" She asked. Castle dropped his eyes, suddenly unable to meet her all seeing gaze.

"No, she didn't." It wasn't completely a lie, but he hadn't even given her the chance.

"Richard." She admonished. "I saw the way she looked when she left here. What did you say to drive her away?"

Castle still didn't meet her gaze, his eyes returning to the lone cloud tumbling through the sky. He'd seen the flash of pain in Kate's eyes, the sorrow it had struck within her, causing her to retreat from him. He'd regretted it instantly, but she'd been gone in an instant. Her long legs carrying her swiftly away from him. Not carrying her away, he thought, running. She had run away from him. He stifled the sigh that had begun to grow within his throat; he felt as though for weeks all he'd felt was pain and sighs.

"Mother…" Castle's voice trailed off and Martha knew him well enough to see that he was in pain too.

"That detective – Slaughter was it? He punched you-"

"I remember that." He interjected, his face scrunched up as he struggled to recall the following events. "Everything was spinning, I couldn't stand up. I remember falling, I remember Kate…" His voice faded as he recalled the memory of her soft hands searching his chest for the wound as she called his name in a voice he barely recognised as he drifted out of consciousness.

"Katherine brought you here in an ambulance. You were suffering from internal bleeding. You've had a serious operation, Richard." Martha's voice was sober now, her eyes watching him as he looked down at his body.

"I can't feel anything."

"The nurse said you won't for a while, until the sedatives wear off. Richard," she paused again, squeezing his hand. "They had to remove part of your liver."

Castle's eyes widened, he looked down at his hospital gown unable to see a wound. Carefully he opened his gown, searching until his eyes found the large bandage that covered his abdomen.

"They… They've removed my liver?" He choked out, disbelieving.

"Not all your liver, just part of it. Apparently it should grow back."

Castle pressed his head back into the pillows. The news was overwhelming him, causing a dull throbbing in his mind as he tried to absorb the implications.

"Alexis?" He asked weakly. Martha gave him a reassuring smile.

"She's asleep outside. She's okay."

Castle nodded, letting his eyelids flutter shut.

"You nap, my darling" Martha murmured as she pressed another kiss to his cheek. "I'll go speak with the doctors."

As she left the room Castle opened his eyes again. He'd nearly died but all he could see in the darkness of his mind was the soul wrenching flash of pain in Kate's eyes.

Kate.

Xxx

Kate's journey through the hospital had been a blur and she found herself standing outside with the cool wind pulling at her hair. She threw her head back, squinting into the sun as she drew in air. With each breath she drew in she felt her pain subside and anger began to bloom. Soon it had spread through her every limb, taking hold of her features until her face was set in a grim line. She had enough of being hurt. Of being broken. She'd spent weeks searching for the reason behind his change and had been unable to find it. She'd done nothing wrong.

"I'm done with this." She muttered to herself as she lashed out, kicking a nearby lamppost. The impact caused her to gasp for breath against the sharp pain. He had no right to treat her this way. She was finished running from him. Kate turned back towards the doors, anger reverberating through her every movement. She would tell him that, she decided. That he needed to stop being an ass, to make a decision; either be with her or leave her. No more punishing her for unspoken crimes. Kate began her return journey, her righteous anger carrying her, she paused only when her phone vibrated against her hip. She dragged her phone out to study the screen, a message from Espo flashed up.

'We've got him.'

Kate's fingers tightened around the screen, her hand clenching it until her knuckles turned white. Damn Castle. Damn Slaughter. Damn them all. She turned on the spot, typing as she strode.

'Where? I'm on my way.'

Xxx

The journey across town should have been quick, but Kate's mind was busied with the images of Castle's crumpled body on the precinct floor. With her anger towards Castle mixing with her rage towards Slaughter, Kate was surprised she could see straight, let alone control the movements of the car.

As Kate approached the bar she shut off the stereo, lowering herself behind the wheel as the car crept along the road. Across the road from the bar she saw the familiar vehicle belonging to Espo and she quietly opened her own car door. Kate moved slowly across the road, trying not to draw attention to herself before she slid into the backseat.

Ryan and Espo turned around as soon as she entered the car. Espo kept his eyes trained on the entrance to the badly lit bar as Ryan took in Kate's appearance.

"Beckett, you look, well, like shit."

Kate flashed them a smile that held no sincerity.

"Where is he?" Kate lent against the window, her nose nearly touching the tinted glass as she studied the metal bars protecting the windows of the bar. Ryan continued to watch her, his face set into unhappy lines as he studied her.

"He's in the bar." Espo reported.

"What's his state?"

"He's had a lot to drink but he's still able to walk about and piss down every alley he's passed."

Kate nodded, taking in the information.

"What's your play?" Ryan asked, still watching her eyes. "Shall I call it in for backup?"

"No."

The harshness of Kate's word reverberated through the small car. Ryan turned to share a look with Espo but he refused to meet his eye.

"No, he's mine. I'm taking him down and I'm taking him in." Kate spoke like a hunter now, her voice clipped as she kept her eye on her prey.

"Ryan, you cover the front door, Espo and I will take the back." She commanded. Ryan opened his mouth to protest but was quietened by the look radiating off Espo.

"Ryan, if he comes out your way, I need to know. Okay?"

She held his gaze, searching them for commitment. Ryan paused only for a moment before Kate spoke again.

"He nearly killed Castle." It was a quiet sentence and with it he could see the flash of pain in her eyes. He'd seen her, hours before, clutching his fallen body, begging him not to die.

"I've got your back."

Kate gave him a smile, one that didn't touch her eyes as she nodded to him in thanks.

"Let's do this."

Kate exited the car first, pausing only to sweep the street and check for the familiar weight of her weapon on her hip. As she stood in the street, the sunlight crept through the clouds, sparkling off the golden hues of her hair. She appeared every inch the warrior.

Ryan to turned to Espo, his eyes filled with worry.

"Are we doing the right thing?"

Espo shot him a look.

"Bro, you saw what he did to Castle. To one of our own."

Ryan began to reply but Espo cut him off, anger staining his voice.

"Did you not see her? On the floor, begging him not to die? Come on man. She needs to do this."

Ryan glanced back at Kate, seeing the way the anger surging through her straightened her shoulders.

"I'm in."

Espo nodded at him, slapping his hand on his back before jumping out of the car. They came to stand behind Kate, flanking her on either side. She stood for a moment, appreciating their show of solidarity despite the small tug on her heart reminding her there should be four members of her team. She took in a short breath, squinting her eyes against the morning sun as she studied the run down bar before her.

"Let's do this."

They moved together, just as they had done a hundred times before. They moved carefully to ensure their footfalls were near silent before Ryan split from them to move towards the front door. Kate waited until she could see Ryan crouched in position out of sight before turning with Espo towards the alley that ran behind the bar.

They moved down the alley, trying to stroll as though not to draw attention to themselves. The brick walls of the nearby buildings crowded them and they breathed through their mouths, trying to avoid the stench of urine that marked the narrow passage. They paused at the backdoor, each of them leaning against the frame. Kate held Espo's eyes for just a moment, the gratitude in them clear. She held up her hand, counting them in as she flashed down from three.

Kate and Espo stepped quietly through the backdoor, their eyes struggling to adjust to the dim light within the bar. The stench of cheap whiskey burned their noses as they looked quickly around the bar, their eyes searching the corners. Kate gestured towards the back with her head and Espo nodded in response. They could see the shadow of Ryan through the front window, ready to intercept.

Only two people remained in the bar, they both sat on stools, their heads resting on the hard wooden tables before them. They moved past the drunk men, their toes barely scraping the floor boards beneath them. As Kate reached the doorway to the back room she heard a chair squeak within and she moved in a rush to lay her eyes on Slaughter. As she stepped into the doorway she saw him before her, his large form still straining to fit within Castle's leather jacket. Just the sight of the jacket set a new flood of rage through her until she could barely see the man before her.

Kate's ears clocked the sound of a commotion behind her, she could hear bar stools being pushed against the wooden floors and the shout from Espo to show their hands. Kate couldn't remove her eyes from Slaughter.

"Detective." He slurred as he began to stumble towards her. "Back for that hot sex?"

He flashed her a grin that made her skin crawl.

"You'll have to give me a minute." He flexed his hand before him. "The gut on that writer boy really strained my wrist." He laughed, the sound was filthy to Kate's ears. She felt all her anger at Slaughter, standing there in Castle's jacket making jokes about his punch, rise through her. It was joined by her anger at Castle, the hurt of his words from that morning and of the last two weeks. Kate saw red and threw herself across the room at Slaughter, her fists out, ready to collide with any part of him she could find.

The only thing Kate felt was the sharp pain as his fist collided with her face, pushing her into the floor.


	6. Chapter 6

_Sorry about that cliffhanger! I think the angst monster has been tamed...for now... ;) Enjoy!_

Xxx

 **Chapter Six**

Kate's head snapped back from the impact, the shock sending waves of pain down her neck as she stumbled backwards, her feet skidding beneath her. Despite the amount of alcohol Kate could smell coming from Slaughter, she had underestimated his size and training. The second Kate hit the floor she was scrambling back up, her hands raised before her as she ignored the painful throbbing in her left eye.

Slaughter was still standing before her, his face pulled into the ugly lines of a laugh as he swigged from the nearby bottle of beer. Kate anchored her feet into the ground, using the time to take in Slaughter's stance. She wasn't about to let him knock her down twice.

"Down, kitty." He taunted as he grinned at her, looking her up and down, the intentions clear in his eyes. Kate side stepped towards him, swivelling at the last minute, her reaction time quicker than his as her fist collided with his stomach. Slaughter barely reacted except to take a step backwards to steady his heavy frame. Kate followed up quickly with a foot to the kneecap. She felt a quick flash of triumph as he stumbled forward, the pain registering on his face.

"Is that all you've got?" He looked down at her, taking another long swig before raising his own fists.

"You ain't seen nothing yet."

The clenched fist of Kate's hand knocked the smug grin from his face, causing blood to begin to course down his face and into his stubble. Slaughter raised his hand, touching it to his split lip.

"Bitch!" The quick flash of anger in his eyes was the only warning Kate received before he threw his bottle at her. The brown glass curved through the air, the contents of the bottle creating a shower of beer through the heated room. Kate reacted instinctively, ducking as she raised her arm to protect her face. The bottle shattered against Kate's forearm, embedding tiny shards of glass into her skin which were quickly engulfed by blood. The impact caused a small, involuntary cry to escape from Kate's mouth.

Kate refused to let her eyes drift towards her bleeding arm, letting it hang against her side as the blood ran down through her fingers before dropping onto the floor to mix with the puddles of beer. Kate squatted low, ignoring the sounds of breaking furniture coming from the other room as she moved back towards Slaughter. Kate swung out behind him, using the full force of her weight to slam her leg into the back of Slaughter's knee. As he began to turn she struck again, his other knee falling forward. As he began to topple she used her small fists on his back, landing blows in any place she could. During the fall his hand managed to twist back, squeezing tightly on her bleeding arm, pressing the slices of glass further into her skin. Kate let out a cry of pain, falling with him.

They landed in a tangle heap on the floor, Kate's legs trapped beneath the heavy weight of Slaughter. She glanced frantically around her, looking for a weapon she could use, her gun trapped beneath his body. Kate could only see the slices of brown glass, glittering with the wet mixture of blood and beer. She strained to reach the glass, a long sliver resting just beyond her grasp, kicking her legs out at the same time. Slaughter turned to face her, his eyes glinting with battle. As Kate continue to stretch and squirm, trying to reach out in anyway she could, she used her now weakened arm to lay a series of punches upon Slaughter's face. The blows barely registered on his face, his eyes following hers to the shards of glass around them. Slaughter reached up, his arms longer than Kate's, his fingers touching the edge of the shard. Kate began to squirm more violently, her legs flailing desperately beneath her as her fist rained down on his face. As Slaughter's fingers closed around the long shard, panic began to burn Kate's stomach. Slaughter turned to her, a sickening smile dancing in his eyes.

"Reaching for this?" He asked, dangling it above her face until she could see her battered reflection staring back. She could see the fear widening her swollen eyes. Kate lashed out once more, every inch of her fighting for her life.

"Too bad." Slaughter grinned, pulling his hand back, the glass glinting in the dim light.

The next sound Kate heard was of snapping bone. Slaughter cried out, clutching his arm to his chest. His hand now hung uselessly from it, pointing at an unnatural angle. Kate looked up to see Espo standing behind him, blood stained his features and his eyes glinted dangerously. The next thing Kate felt was a splash of blood against her face as Espo's fist collided with Slaughter's head. He fell limp atop of Kate, blood streaming from the wound on his face. Kate dragged in a breath, struggling to push him off her as she tried to calm her frantic heart. Espo kicked Slaughter in the side, his weight rolling of Kate, freeing her. Espo held out his hand, tugging her back up to her feet before sending another kick into Slaughter's unconscious side.

"I think you got him." Ryan spoke from the doorway, his lip was lightly swollen as he took in the scene before him.

Kate pressed a hand to her eye, she could feel the swelling causing her vision to narrow, the throbbing behind it increasing with every heartbeat. Kate squeezed her hand, surprise registering when she felt the slickness in her palm. She looked down at her arm, the mosaic of cuts, glass and blood had her taking in another deep breath.

"Shit, Beckett, your arm!" Espo held out her arm tenderly, surveying the wound with his eyes. Kate pulled her arm back from him, cradling it against her chest.

"It's okay. I can still move everything. It's just some cuts."

Espo frowned at her, looking at the blood stains covering her clothes.

"What happened?" She asked, gesturing towards the door.

"The guys at the bar jumped me." Espo began.

"I came in as soon as I heard the commotion." Ryan continued.

"Both are unconscious and in custody."

Kate nodded, looking down at Slaughter and nudging his head with her toe.

"Someone put this scumbag in cuffs." She ordered, refraining from the temptation to spit on him.

As Espo cuffed Slaughter, Ryan called for back up to take all the men down to the precinct.

"Beckett, you really should go to the hospital."

Kate smiled thinly back at Ryan.

"Oh, I am."

Kate knew exactly what she was going to say when she returned to the hospital. Castle had better be ready.

Xxx

When Castle awoke from his nap he was feeling surprisingly well rested. The wooziness from the drugs was beginning to fade and he no longer felt like he was clinging onto a rocking ship. He could however, now feel the sharp pain from the surgery carving into his side. He winced as he pulled himself into a more upright position and crinkled his nose at the pungent smell of spring that seemed to fill his small room. He looked around and was greeted by a sea of colours. Several bouquets decorated the little furniture in the room, the colours clashing together to create a rainbow of petals. Within the ocean of colour he saw Martha watching him with contemplative eyes.

"Mother." His smile quickly turned into a grimace as the action tugged on the muscles within his stomach.

"How are you feeling?" Martha pressed her hands together, watching him carefully.

"More human, less like I'm at a David Bowie concert in the 80s."

Martha smiled at him, not moving from her chair except to study the set of his eyes. She'd been wrestling internally for hours now. Her last conversation with Castle regarding Kate had not ended well. She'd warned him that love was not a switch and he'd insisted he would be fine but for weeks now she had watched the joy fade from his life, filled instead with pain and anger. Over the last twenty four hours Martha had seen just how this had affected Kate, she'd seen the true depth of the pain that she was feeling, and it was time for this to stop.

Castle glanced over her shoulder, trying to nonchalantly peer into the corridor behind her. Martha could see instantly what he was doing, the action allowed a small seed of hope to plant within her belly.

"She's not out there."

"What?" Castle glanced at her, his face set into one of innocence but Martha could see the flash of disappointment within his eyes.

"Katherine. She's not out there. I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't come back." Martha lent back in her chair, watching him. He frowned for a moment, studying the shape of his hands before replying.

"Oh well. I'm sure she has cases to work. More important things to be doing."

"Richard Castle." She admonished, her voice snapping quickly causing him to flinch at her tone. "The only reason she left is because you drove her out of here."

Castle dropped his eyes back to his hands, refusing to meet his mother's eyes.

"That poor girl was here all through the night. She never left your side. Not once. Even when she was covered in your blood."

Castle could feel the shame rising on his cheeks.

"Don't you sit here and lessen her actions. I remember when it was her in this bed and you sat out there waiting."

Just the mention of the memory had pain flashing through Castle's heart, just the whisper of the memories was enough to cause him to struggle for breath. He felt ashamed, so ashamed of his behaviour from the morning. He remembered seeing Kate for the first time after the shooting, the flood of relief when her eyes still remained true to her, her face still the image he'd remembered. Castle couldn't lift his eyes to meet his mother's. Kate had waited for him all night, just as he had for her. The memory of the flood of relief in her eyes, followed by the flash of pain from his words had his gut clenching in a pain worse than his surgery.

Martha could see the conflict raging across his face mixed with the undercurrents of shame. Martha stood now, moving to sit on the edge of his bed, her hand squeezing his sympathetically.

"Darling." Her tone was softer, understanding touching her eyes as she absorbed the obvious pain he wore upon his face. " You have to ask yourself, do you want it badly enough to get over being hurt?"

Castle frowned for a moment, the image of her soft smile filling his mind as he pressed his lips together. He raised his eyes to meet his mother's.

"Yes. Yes I do."

Martha smiled at him, her mouth wide with joy as she touched her hand to his cheek.

"Pass me the phone."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

Kate sat in the busy waiting room of the Emergency Room, her feet tapping impatiently against the tiled floor as she listened to the frenzied chatter of the doctors and nurses. Ryan had caught her in the precinct locker room trying to pull the glass out of her arm herself using just a pair of tweezers. After that he had personally driven her to the ER as Kate sat scowling out the window of his car.

"It's only a bit of glass." Kate had argued, ignoring the throbbing in her skull and flash of lights that kept parading through her skull.

"Some of those are quite deep and will probably need stitches." Ryan had tried to placate her, but he could see the way she wore frustration along her battered frame.

"Slaughter will keep. As soon as he's sober we'll call you, we won't start the interrogation without you." Kate had slumped back in the car seat at that, focussing on pressing her hands flat into her thighs as to hide from Ryan the fine tremors that shook her.

When they'd reached the doors of the ER Kate had paused, turning to face Ryan, placing a halting hand on his shoulder.

"You don't need to come with me. I'll just be sat waiting, it's a waste of your time."

Ryan had begun to argue but Kate had cut him off quickly.

"Ryan, I'll be okay. I promise I won't leave." She smiled at him, holding her hands up in surrender. "Thank you for bringing me."

At her thanks some of the tension in Ryan's shoulders dissipated

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Call me when it's time."

Ryan gave her one last assessing look, he appeared satisfied as he turned to leave, heading back to the precinct.

Kate watched him leave, a small sense of relief surging through her as she sagged against the hospital wall. She took a deep breath trying to control the tremors that were causing a near invisible shiver to race across her skin.

 _You're just being stupid,_ she thought. Kate checked over her shoulder, frustrated with herself for giving into the urge. Since Espo had dragged Slaughter off of her she'd been unable to calm her racing heart and shake the feeling that she was being watched. Kate dragged in a breath, wishing it would fill the crushing void within her lungs as she walked through the doors and into the waiting room.

Kate sat on the hard plastic of the chair, she'd chosen a chair which backed onto a wall so she could look out over the crowded waiting room. With every beat of her heart she could feel the blood pounding in her eye, and a further stream trickling down her arm and onto her clothes. She held the bandage tighter over her arm being careful not to further embed the glass within her flesh.

The vibration of her phone in her jeans pocket caused her to flinch suddenly, as though she'd been struck. She glanced quickly around the room, checking no one had seen her reaction. Taking a calming breath she pulled the phone from her pocket.

Castle.

Kate looked at the screen, the unsettled part of her yearning to hear his voice. She knew she needed to speak with him but not now. Not until she was calm. She cleared her throat, hoping she sounded calmer than she felt, the aftershocks of violence still roiling within her.

"Castle." She answered.

"Beckett, hi."

Kate didn't respond, she just waited, the static silence filling her ear and drowning out the pounding of her heartbeat.

"Are you – "

She heard him trail off before starting again.

"Can we talk?"

Kate paused, closing her eyes as she contemplated his soft words. She wanted to talk to him, needed to talk to him, but she wanted to be in control. Calm and in control.

"I'm just finishing something up." She lied to him, hoping he couldn't hear the bustle of the ER in the background. "I'll stop by in around an hour?"

"Okay. I'll see you then."

They both hung up, Castle had sounded just as uncertain as she had. Kate didn't know whether to be relieved by that fact or not.

The call of Kate's name sent another jolt through her causing her to drop her phone. She watched it skid across the tiles, landing feet away. Kate raised herself onto her wobbly legs, cursing in frustration as she searched below the chairs until she found where her phone had landed. Pushing her phone back into her pocket, she walked over to the waiting nurse, smiling apologetically.

"Butterfingers." She murmured, hoping the nurse wouldn't see through her. The nurse gave her a quick look before leading her into a small cubical and instructed Kate to sit upon the bed. Kate could feel the paper sheets crinkling beneath her as she pulled herself up, leaving her injured arm laying out flat before her. It took nearly twenty minutes, six stitches, twelve butterfly strips and one bandage before Kate's arm was covered. Kate had refused the pain killers preferring the small sharp pains that came with each piece of glass. They kept her focused, her mind on where she was and what was happening. If she allowed her mind to wander she could see the glint of the brown glass in the bar lights, her own face staring hopelessly back at her before the piece of glass came surging towards her.

Kate winced at the antibiotic shot that was pressed into the muscle of her arm, focussing instead on the cool ice pack that was pressed into her throbbing eye.

"Your eye will be fine, the swelling should go down within a few days. Are you sure you don't want something for the pain?"

Kate gave a thin smile as she stood, hoping the action would cover her wince.

"Thank you, but no, I'm okay."

As Kate turned to leave the cubical, somewhere nearby an instrument tray was dropped, the metal tools clattering along the floor, the clang echoing out through the space. To Kate it sounded like a hail of bullets. She dropped quickly to the floor, covering her ears and closing her eyes as she fell. As Kate hit the floor one thought raced over and over in her mind.

Not again. Not again.

The gentle touch of the nurse's cool hand on Kate's shoulder had her flinching violently in response.

"Ma'am?"

The concerned word dragged Kate back to where she was, she opened her eyes, darting them around the room, feeling the familiar weight of cold sweat on her face. She blinked rapidly, her eyes adjusting to where she was.

"I'm so sorry."

Kate could feel her cheeks burning as she struggled to rise to her feet again.

"Are you okay? Do you want me to get a doctor?"

"No, no. I'm okay." Kate lied as she finally stood, rubbing her clammy face with her cold palms. She gave the nurse what she hoped was a convincing smile. "I just get jumpy sometimes."

With that Kate left, letting her feet lead her wherever they were heading, she just focused on the violent shakes that had now taken over her hands. The ping of a nearby elevator caused another flinch to tense her body before she turned into a stairwell. Kate paused at the foot of the steps, her hands pressed against the wall and her face pressed into her hands.

"You're okay, you're okay."

She promised herself as she struggled to control her breathing.

"You're okay."

She counted to ten as she breathed, trying to remember the words from her therapist but she couldn't hear them through the buzzing in her ears. With each breath she took she could feel her muscles unclenching until she finally sagged against the wall. Her heart was still beating rapidly but she was able to hear again. Kate pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes having forgotten about her swollen eye until the touch brought a flash of pain raking back across her senses.

Kate's mouth felt parched and she began to climb the stairs in search of a glass of water and a large, breezy window. As she climbed she ignored the trembles that still shook her hands against the banisters focusing just on her legs working against each step. When she felt she could climb no more, she stepped out through the door, confusion flooded her mind when the corridor appeared familiar to her. She blinked as she took in her surroundings, realisation hitting her when she saw the door to Castle's room. Her feet had led her to his room.

Kate approached the door, drawing in a steadying breath as she laid her hand upon the handle. She wasn't as ready for this conversation as she had been earlier, but a small part of her hoped that his presence would soothe her shattered nerves and give her a sense of security.

Pushing open the door, Kate stepped over the threshold and let it swing back to a close behind her. Castle's head turned immediately towards her, what ever expression had been on his face was lost by the sheer look of anguish that took hold of his features. His eyes looked her up and down, fear filling the blue ocean of his eyes as his mouth hung slightly open.

Kate looked down, having forgotten her appearance. She used her shaky hands to flatten down the bloodied creases on her thin shirt before nervously tucking her hair behind her ear.

Castle's eyes never left her face, the pain in his eyes causing a fresh wave of pain to surge through her.

"Kate." It was a whisper, a sound born of pain. She took a tentative step towards him as he reached a hand out to her, needing to touch her, to check she was okay.

"What – what happened?" Castle stumbled on his words, his eyes darting over her face, down her arm and back to the blood on her shirt.

"I got Slaughter." Kate said it simply as she reached his side, standing awkwardly. Castle leaned forward, grimacing in pain as he did, capturing her injured hand in his own. He ran his fingers gently over the dried blood, his fingertips touching the edge of her bandage.

"You…you went after him?" The pain in his voice was quickly trampled by anger, it was a quick flash in his eyes as he searched her face. "He did this to you?" His voice was incredulous, the anger coming off him in waves.

"We fought." She said quietly, looking down again at the blood that covered her clothes. Silence filled the room as Castle let a battle rage within his eyes.

"I'm okay." Kate tried to reassure him, giving him a small smile.

"You're clearly not okay." He spat out, the words causing Kate to flinch. She couldn't tell if his anger was directed at her or Slaughter. Castle dragged his other hand through his hair, his pale face still wide with shock. Kate could see her hand trembling against Castle's arm and wished she could control the fine tremors.

Castle held her eyes for a moment before raising his hand to touch tenderly at the blood on her face.

"Kate…" He trailed off, her appearance cutting him down to the bone. Kate brushed at the dried blood on her face, giving him a weak smile.

"That's not my blood."

His thumb continued to move, brushing against the bruise that had formed around her eye. Kate moved her hand so that it fitted into the palm of his, he closed his fingers around her hand and closed his eyes, drawing in a breath. Kate wished she could sit down, her head still thrumming with pain.

They looked at each other, both of them taking in the injuries that marked the other's body. They held each other's gaze for a short moment, green eyes on blue, before both sets of eyes fell to where they were linked. To where her blood stained hand rested within his. This felt like home.

The thought had tears brimming on the edge of Kate's eyes as she blinked them quickly away.

Castle looked at their hands, her stained skin warm against his.

"I was so angry." It was a confession. Castle let his words float in the air before he raised his eyes to meet hers. She looked so very fragile, standing before him, her eyes downcast as ugly marks covered her skin. Castle could feel the tremors running through Kate, the sound of a door slamming in the distance sent a fresh wave through her.

Kate didn't respond, she stood waiting for his next words, her eyes watching the movements of his thumb against her skin as though she might fall apart at any moment.

"You remembered." Kate's eyes flashed up to meet his, a small frown cracking the dried blood. "The shooting. You remembered what I said."

The shooting.

Kate could hear the gunshot echoing through her head again, feel the bullet tearing through her chest, the warm blood seeping out of her. Feel his weight pressing on top of her, his words desperate as he held onto her.

Kate struggled to breathe, her features turning deathly white as she began to sway before Castle. He squeezed her hand.

"Kate?" Concern marked his voice.

The gunshot. Over and over. Kate raised her hands to her ears, whimpering when she could still hear the sound, her hand falling from Castle's.

 _"I love you, Kate."_ An echo in her mind drowned out by the ringing of gun shots. Castle's hands on her. Castle's words filling her. Castle turning away from her. Castle's face behind the scope of the gun.

" _Stay with me Kate. Don't leave me, please?"_

The shot.

It was too much for Kate. She could no longer fight the ringing in her ears or the memories whirl-winding through her mind.

"Castle" Her plea shattered him as she fell to the floor before him, her eyes rolling back as her pale face hit the floor.

"Kate!"

Castle ignored the pain surging through him from his side, compelled only by the pain surging through his heart, he pushed himself from his bed, throwing himself after her, having missed catching her by seconds. Again.


	8. Chapter 8

_Wow, I'm still blown away by the response to this story! Really hope you enjoy this chapter :)_

Xxx

 **Chapter Eight**

The only thing Kate could see was the darkness that threatened to take her. She could see the light fading before her, her ears echoing with the sound of the bullet over and over. She could feel her flesh tearing apart, the sharp burning cutting through her chest. In the darkness there was nothing to reach out to.

Kate clutched at her throat with her trembling fingers. She couldn't breathe. She could feel the blood leaking from her gunshot wound, warm and sticky as it poured down her clothes and pooled at her feet. With every beat of her heart she felt more and more constricted, the burning in her chest worsening. Something was stopping her from breathing. Her fingers continued to claw at her throat, leaving behind ugly red marks; something was choking her.

This was it. She was going to die.

Stars began to dance in her eyes, all sensation was draining away from her except for the fierce contractions of her lungs as they burned for air.

Castle had landed heavily on the floor, a guttural sound ripped from his mouth as his wound hit the floor. He was sure he had ripped his stitches out, a thought that was confirmed by the sudden rush of warmth across his stomach. However his eyes never left Kate's face. Her entire face was clenched, as though she was trying to disappear within herself. Sweat ran down her face, dropping from her to the floor with every violent shake of her body. Her fingers clawed at her throat, trying to remove an invisible assailant, the action causing thin streams of blood to appear along the length of her neck. Her heart was beating so forcefully it was causing her breast to shake in time.

Using his hands to pull his weight, Castle dragged himself across the floor towards her.

"Kate." He called, she didn't even flicker in response to her name. Her eyes were wild, her entire body hunched like a cornered animal. He continued to drag himself, saying her name with every breath he took. He only had to move a few feet but crossing the void felt unachievable, the exhaustion sweeping Castle's body hindering every move.

Not again, he thought to himself. He wasn't going to lose her again.

When he reached her, he framed her pale face with his hands, she flinched violently in reaction, trying to remove her face from his touch. Castle saw the scratches appearing down her neck, they were becoming deeper; her own fingernails raking the delicate skin of her neck. The colour had drained from her face as she fought for oxygen, none reaching her screaming cells.

"Kate! Kate, you need to breathe!" Castle grabbed her hands, pulling them from her neck, wincing as they sliced the rough skin on the back of his hand. Her body continued to heave for air, her throat refusing to unfreeze and save her.

"Breathe, Kate, breathe!" He commanded her, but still she did not breathe. Castle felt panic begin to set in as Kate started to go limp.

"No. No!" He shouted at her, fear shaking his voice. Castle looked around desperately before grabbing her by the arms. Her could see her pupils beginning to dilate. Not knowing what else to do, he shook her.

"Breathe, damn it, breathe!"

Castle shook her so that her head lolled back and sweat spun off her face. The shock of the movement unlocked Kate's lungs, she gasped in air, choking on her first breath as it entered her mouth.

Castle pulled her towards him, her head tight against his chest as he ran his hands down her face.

"Kate. Kate, can you hear me? Keep breathing. Please, keep breathing." Castle begged her.

Small, hyperventilating breaths were drawn in through Kate's lips, she continued to gasp for air, her lungs starved. Then she began to fight him.

"Kate, no. You're safe. I promise you, you're safe." Castle turned her face so her frantic eyes had to look into his. She looked feral, the green orbs seeming alien in her face.

"Shot." She whimpered, clawing now at her chest. "I'm shot."

Castle captured her hands, trying to still them in his.

"No, no. You're better. You're okay."

"Shot. It hurts." Her voice broke in a sob as she tried to press her hands back into her chest.

"Look, Kate, look."

Castle released her hands and tried to unbutton her shirt. He cursed inwardly at his fingers, frightened by just how much they were trembling. He opened her shirt wide enough to reveal the pink scar in the valley of her breasts.

"See Kate, you're healed. You're okay." He begged her to see. Castle couldn't drag his eyes away from the sight, his own breath now stuck in his throat. He hadn't seen the scar before, he'd only seen the wound when it was fresh, the bullet still lodged inside as it wept blood. The wound was a soft pink, it puckered in the middle, the sides fading out to meet her freckled skin. He refused to let himself relive the moment.

"Hurts. Bleeding." She whimpered. Castle lifted one of her hands, it was ice cold in his, before pressing it against the scar.

"Healed. See."

Kate let her hand be held there, the warmth of Castle's skin biting through the ice of hers. She moved her hand out from underneath, instead pressing his against her scar.

"Breathe with me Kate." He whispered, leaning his face back towards hers. "You're okay. Breathe with me."

Kate raised her broken eyes to meet his, the pain swirling through her broke his heart.

"Breathing. I'm breathing." She whispered.

"Good. You're safe. I promise you, you're safe. I won't let anyone hurt you."

Kate could feel the ringing in her ears lessening with every word he spoke, his hand acted like a lifeline, keeping her focused on reality. She kept her hand pressed on top of his, her eyes filling with tears as sobs rocked her body.

"Castle?" She asked, it was the voice of a frightened child.

She was back.

"I'm here. I've got you."

Kate pressed her face into his chest, his scent flooding her nostrils and centring her. As sobs shook her body Castle used his other hand to press her against him, determined to keep her close.

They sat like that, Castle's hand pressed against her chest, her face buried in his shirt, until they both stopped trembling. Castle rubbed his hand up and down her back with every sob that shook her, until at last she fell silent. He was afraid to move, afraid that he'd break the spell and she'd fall back, clawing at her throat until she bled.

Tentatively he stroked her hair, pulling her head slightly back so that he could see into her eyes. She kept her eyes downcast, hidden beneath her long lashes, her face stained by grief.

"Hey." He murmured quietly. She raised her eyes and his heart clenched with the shame he saw residing there. Kate didn't know what to say. She pressed her forehead against his, closing her eyes as silent tears ran down her face.

"What can I do? What should I do?"

Kate could hear the terror in his voice, even though he tried to mask it for her. She just shook her head against his, her hair falling across his face.

"Castle, I'm so s-"

He cut her off, his voice fierce.

"Don't say it, don't even think it."

She raised her eyes to look again into his, they danced fiercely with protectiveness, she raised a hand and pressed it against his cheek.

He touched his fingers tenderly to the cuts on her neck, pain flashing across his face again.

"Let's get you up." Castle began to ebb back, pausing only when the stabbing pain in his abdomen hit him. He drew in a sharp breath causing Kate to look down between them. Blood was staining his hospital gown. Kate's eyes were wide, filling with panic again.

"Castle" she choked. He grabbed her hand tightly.

"No. I'm okay. You're okay. It's just a stitch. I'm not going anywhere." He promised her.

She held his gaze, every inch of her longing to believe him. He pulled his hand back from her chest, her skin feeling instantly cold as he left. She brushed at the tears on her face, trying not to stare down at the blood marking Castle. Kate glanced at the bed, then back at Castle, as she opened her mouth to speak the door swung open.

A nurse stepped through the door, stopping open mouthed at the scene before her.

"What is going on?" She barked as she rushed across the room, pulling the emergency cord. Within seconds orderlies were in the room, lifting Castle and placing him back on the bed.

"He needs to go back to surgery immediately."

Kate clutched at his hand as they began to wheel him away, he looked back at her, worry tinting his eyes.

"You're safe, Kate." He promised. "Just keep breathing."

Then he was gone.

Kate stood in the centre of the room, the cuts on her neck stinging. She pressed her hand against her chest, filling the space Castle's hand had left behind. She shivered as she took in air, her eyes staring where he had been resting moments earlier.

What had she caused?

As panic began to rise again in her chest she heard his voice in her head.

Breathe with me Kate. Breathe with me.

She drew in a quick gasp of air. She could do that. For him.

Xxx

A/N: Sorry it's shorter than normal but the next one looks like it will be lonnnng and I didn't want to tack them onto each other!


	9. Chapter 9

_You guys are phenomenal. Thank you so much, especially for the reviews, they really make me smile!_

 _Xxx_

 **Chapter Nine**

Every instinct in Kate's body told her to run, to flee. Every muscle was tensed, her body shaking with the need to escape, her feet rocking back and forth. She gripped tightly onto the porcelain edge of the bathroom sink, her knuckles going white with the effort.

Her instincts told her to run but her heart told her to stay. Castle had just put himself in harms way. For her. Again.

Kate looked up into the mirror, shocked by what she saw staring back. Exhaustion had shaded her face into a faint grey colour, dark smudges marked beneath her eyes which were bloodshot from her tears. The swelling around her eye had turned into a dark purple stain that caused her eye to remain nearly shut, the green depths of it lost beneath her lid. Her fingers curiously touched her neck, the long red marks climbing up from her collarbone to beneath her chin. She couldn't remember causing them, but the blood underneath her fingernails told her that she had. She looked broken.

The water from the tap was cold, causing Kate to draw in a sharp breath as she washed the last hour from her face. She rubbed at the tear stains on her cheeks and wished she could wash the bruises off just as easily. Letting her arms rest against the edge of the sink, she looked forward, staring into herself. She could do this. Wait for him and talk to him. He'd thrown himself from his hospital bed for her, the memory causing a jolt of pain within her stomach. She could wait.

Kate took in a deep breath, letting the warm hospital air spread through her lungs, before shaking her hair out. She looked down at her bloodied clothes, the knees now stained with Castle's blood. She wished she could change.

Pulling out her phone to text Espo, she saw she already had a message from him.

'Slaughter's still sleeping it off. Gates wants to see you.'

Kate winced at the thought, she was dreading explaining to Gates how she'd managed to start a bar brawl. Kate replied quickly, asking Espo to drop off a fresh set of clothes for her from her locker.

Opening the bathroom door and giving the hallway a quick sweep, Kate walked quickly down to the family waiting room. She adverted her gaze as she walked, avoiding the nurses, praying no one would ask her about her neck or what had happened. She knew she should phone her therapist and she promised herself that she would. Later. Maybe.

Kate sighed a breath of relief when she saw the room was still empty, and she fell heavily into a soft cushioned chair. Pulling her feet up towards her, she let her head drop onto her knees. Hugging her legs, she thought of what her therapist would ask her. What had trigged it?

Castle.

Kate shook her head at herself. It wasn't just Castle, it was something he had said. She squeezed her eyes closed and thought back, his words floating through her mind.

" _I was so angry."_

She frowned to herself, she knew he was angry, she could tell his behaviour stemmed from that emotion. But why?

" _You_ _remembered_. _You_ _remembered_ _what_ _I_ _said_."

It hit Kate suddenly, the memory, the rising panic. He knew. He knew that she'd lied. She began to squeeze herself tighter, refusing to give into the panic that had already claimed her once today.

She squeezed her knees, her mind tumbling through what to say and what to do. Then she stopped. Her own words coming back to her.

" _Please live, please. I love you, Rick. I love you."_

She loved him. Had he heard? If he had, would be even admit it or would he hide like her? Kate rubbed at her knees, feeling the bones through the material of her trousers. A new, nervous fluttering filled her belly. Does he still feel that way?

The family room door burst open dragging Kate from her thoughts. She looked up to see Martha's panicked eyes looking around the room. She knew the moment her eyes reached her by the look of shock that flooded through them. Alexis stepped in behind her, her pale face looking lost in her cloud of red hair.

"My god, Katherine. What happened?"

Martha reached her hands out to touch gently at Kate's face, looking her up and down as tears blinked in her eyes. Kate stood up, squeezing Martha's hands and smiling reassuringly at Alexis.

"I'm okay. I arrested Slaughter."

"And he did this to you?"

Kate could see the fear in Alexis' wide eyes as her gaze dropped from her swollen eye to the grazes on her neck.

"Yes." Kate lied, dropping her gaze from theirs slightly. They both stood in silence for a moment, considering what had happened.

"He, er, evaded arrest." Kate explained weakly as Martha squeezed her arm knowingly.

"My dad's back in surgery?" Alexis looked to her.

"Yes, his stitches tore out. They're just checking the wound and reclosing it."

"What happened?"

"He fell out of bed." Kate said softly.

"How?" Confusion covered Alexis' face.

Kate paused, the memory of lying on the floor in his arms sobbing was too raw for her to share. So she lied again.

"He just fell."

Martha looked into her, seeing there was more to the story but knowing not to push.

"He should be out soon, they said it would be less than an hour." Kate tried to sound bright, but knew her voice betrayed her. It still held the wobble of uncertainty.

Xxx

Martha and Alexis sat together, watching the time ticking slowly by as Kate passed in front of the window. She was fighting the urge to flee, but needed to keep moving so the restless tension wouldn't begin to build within her body again. The buzz of her phone broke through her movements, she glanced down to see that Espo had arrived.

She headed towards the door, explaining to Martha as she gestured at her blood stained clothes. It was a quiet relief to leave the room, to leave the guilt staring out the window as she walked down the hallway. It was her fault Castle was in surgery again. Her fault that his wonderful family sat hunched with pain as they awaited news.

The form of Espo at the end of the corridor broke Kate free from her thoughts, she gave him a quick smile as he looked her over. She could see him frown as his eyes reached her neck, he was trying to remember if that wound had been there before or not. Kate grabbed the bag from his hands, diverting his attention.

"How you holding up?" He asked, looking into her face.

"I'm okay. Everything's bandaged, nothing's broken."

As Espo nodded, Kate looked at the bruises that marked his face too. He looked none worse the wear for it.

"And Castle?"

"They're just checking his stitches. What's happening downtown?"

Espo paused, as though unsure whether to tell her. She looked up at him, the hurt shining clear in her exhausted eyes convincing him.

"Not good. Slaughter and his guys are still out, they took a good beating though. Gates is fuming and IA is coming to investigate since it involves an officer."

Kate turned to lean into the wall, letting a sign escape her chewed up lips.

"I hate IA." She muttered.

"I'll put them off as long as I can."

Kate smiled, squeezing his arm.

"Thanks."

Espo looked around.

"I've go to head back, let me know if you need anything else."

Kate nodded and watched him walk away before ducking into a nearby bathroom to change her clothes. She bagged her old clothes, running her hands over the dried blood stains. It was a mix of hers, Castle's and Slaughter's. She bunched up the bag and threw it into the bin, knowing she'd never wear the clothes again. The fresh fabric of her thin blue blouse felt soft against her aching skin and she relished the touch.

Walking back towards Castle's room, Kate saw Alexis and Martha leaving it, smiles on their faces. She began to walk quickly, her long strides carrying her towards him.

"He's awake. He's okay and asking for you."

Kate smiled and moved towards the door, she paused when she touched the handle. This was it.

The door opened quietly and Kate stepped through, her eyes looking around warily until they rested upon his tired face. She could tell by the lines around his eyes that he'd been worrying.

"Hey, Castle." She spoked quietly, as though her voice could undo all the violence of the last few days. His eyes were instantly on her face, searching her, looking her up and down before resting upon her neck. His eyes clouded over, his brow falling as he saw the dark red streaks.

Kate walked over to him, her eyes never leaving his face as she reached the edge of his bed. She looked down at him, her heart aching for the additional pain she had caused him.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay. What about you? Are you okay?"

Castle searched her eyes desperately seeking an answer. Kate smiled sadly, pressing her lips together.

"I'm okay. Castle, I'm so sorry." She looked up at him, tears beginning to form as guilt flooded her. He looked up at her in surprise.

"No, no, Kate. You don't need to be sorry. You've been through a lot."

Kate shook her head, the action causing a lone tear to escape to her face.

"No, you've been through more. You nearly died, Castle." In my arms, she wanted to add on but instead she looked at him, hoping he could see it in her eyes.

"I thought-" Castle paused, trying to find the right words. "I thought you were getting better?" He asked. Had he been so blinded by rage that he'd missed this? Here was a time when he would have seen her beginning to crack.

"So did I."

The confession nearly broke him. She looked so sad, standing next to him, grief weighing down her shoulders.

"Do you think you should see someone? Maybe get some help?" He held his breath at the question, unsure of her reaction. Kate paused for a moment, as though weighing a conflict within her mind, before sitting on the edge of his bed. She looked down at him, her hands pressing together in her lap.

"I am getting help."

Castle felt some of the weight lift from his heart, he gave her a small smile which she returned.

Kate drew in a deep breath, as though preparing herself for the worst. She looked into his blue eyes, hoping to see the truth hiding within.

"Castle. You said, before, that you were angry. Because I remembered."

She dropped his gaze as the words left her mouth, looking at her hands instead. He froze, too shocked to reply. Had she really broached the subject and lowered her defences to talk to him?

"I was angry." His voice was low, his eyes pleading for hers to look back up. When she did, the vulnerability in them almost caused him to wish she hadn't met his gaze.

"Why were you angry?" Her voice was so small as she looked at him, dreading the answer. He watched her face; they were really going to do this.

"Because you lied. You lied because you didn't feel the same way."

Kate's eyes flashed back up, confusion now dancing in them.

"You thought I didn't feel the same way?"

He nodded in response, his mouth dry. Kate looked at him, there was a quiet chaos in her mind. She shook her head at him, the silence drowning them until she spoke.

"I wanted to be more. For me. For you. For us. I've been working so hard on being more."

"Kate." His voice cracked on the syllable. "You don't need to be more. You're already everything."

The small smile that touched her eyes overwhelmed his heart. She pressed her fingers into his tentatively. He curled his hand around hers, holding on as though afraid that if he didn't, she might leave.

"I felt the same way." It was a whisper, her eyes afraid to meet his. "I feel the same way." She quickly corrected. He wished he could see her eyes. He squeezed her hand, forcing her attention to him.

"I'm so sorry, for everything I put you though."

Kate shook her head quickly, refusing the apology, her hand gesturing out around her.

"No, I should be sorry." She wrapped her arm around herself, her memories of their time earlier in the room staining her cheeks pink.

He watched her, seeing through her mask; her sad eyes on a happy face, betraying her. She held herself so tightly, as though afraid that if she let go she would just fall apart. Castle looked at her, his eyes drinking in her battered face before falling to where he knew her bullet scar rested.

"You're not as broken as you think you are, Kate. Yes, you have scars and you've fought dark, terrible battles but all the great heroes have."

She looked up at him, a tear running down her face before landing in the line of her smile.

"You're not alone."

She finally met his gaze.

"I know."

They held each other's eyes for a moment, before looking at their joined hands, both feeling a slow warmth spreading within them.

"So…?" Kate raised her eyes slowly, looking at him from beneath her long lashes, the question in them obvious.

"Where do we start?"

He squeezed her hand.

"Right here."


	10. Chapter 10

_Sorry for the delay! I got a bit stuck and couldn't work out where I wanted to go next. I think I have now... :)_

 _Xxx_

 **Chapter Ten**

Castle and Kate sat together in silence, their hands entwined as they looked into each other. It was a moment in their lives they both thought they would never reach. Castle smiled at her, the warmth in his grin bringing hues of pink back into his pale cheeks.

"This isn't how I envisioned our first date." He chuckled as his thumb ran slowly across the back of her hand, gently following the lines of her skin. Kate looked up at him, a shy smile dancing across her face as she sat, still perched on the edge of his bed.

"No? How did you imagine it?" She asked, her mind curious. She'd imagined the moment many times herself. In her mind they were always at Remy's, they'd be sharing a chocolate shake after a long day, as they'd done so many times before. Their gaze would meet over the top of the tall glass, her smile hidden behind whipped cream. Castle would lean in, the back of this thumb wiping the cream from her lips, before telling her he'd missed a spot. Then he'd lean in and kiss the cream from her lips. It felt to Kate as though she spent her life looking over the rim of that glass, daring him to kiss her, always a little bit disappointed when he didn't.

Castle looked a little bit embarrassed as he studied her eyes, she grinned at him, urging him on.

"Well, Ridgefield Park hold monthly Under the Stars movie screenings. I always imagined I'd finally convince you to come with me. It would be a clear night, the sky full of stars, we'd watch a film together, sharing popcorn, maybe even a blanket. And, well, it would just go from there…" He trailed off, a sheepish look on his face. He glanced up to see wonder dancing in Kate's eyes.

"That sounds magical." She whispered, squeezing his hand. He held her gaze, his hands flicking to her lips and back to her eyes again. She saw his gaze and felt her heart begin to pound within her chest. He was going to kiss her. She thought of the last time she kissed him, his lips cold and lifeless against hers. She hoped it would be like the first time he kissed her, his lips heavy and demanding on hers, his teeth sinking gently into her lips as her fingers clung to his hair. She began to lean towards him.

"Oh, sorry darling!" Martha exclaimed interrupting them. Kate quickly pulled her hand back from Castle's, her cheeks flooding with red as she stood up swiftly.

"Martha" Kate glanced back at Castle, embarrassment clear on her face. Martha smiled at her knowingly, her eyes sparkling with the knowledge.

"I didn't mean to interrupt."

"Oh, you didn't interrupt anything." Kate added quickly. Martha only raised an eyebrow at her in response before turning to face Castle again.

"How are you feeling, darling? Better now, I imagine." She winked at Castle as he grinned apologetically at Kate.

"Nearly." He muttered, watching as Kate began sidestepping towards the door.

"I'll be back. I just need to… get something."

The closing of the door cut off Castle's protest and he turned to face his mother again.

"Well, that looked promising!" She exclaimed, squeezing his arm in delight. "Have you two kissed and made up?"

"Almost." He grinned. "We've definitely made up."

Martha took Kate's seat at the edge of the bed.

"So you forgave her?"

Castle pressed his lips together.

"We were wrong. She remembered everything and she lied about it. But not because of me, or my feelings. It was because she wasn't ready to deal with that day."

Martha frowned as she looked at him.

"So she does feel the same way?"

Castle nodded, the smile creeping back onto his face.

"Oh darling, I'm so happy for you. And I'm sorry, for the last few weeks."

He squeezed his mother's hand, feeling more at peace than he had in months.

"I think this is it." He said, his voice quiet as he watched the space Kate had just left. "I think this is our chance."

Martha leant forward, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead.

"Enjoy it."

Castle met her eyes, unable to hide the anticipation swirling within them.

"Mother, can you keep it a secret? Just for now?"

"Of course."

Martha stepped towards the door, letting herself take one look back at her son. Despite his injuries he seemed younger, the strain around his eyes had begun to fade, replaced with the lightness of joy.

Laying back in the bed, Castle let his heavy eyelids drop. They had finally been honest with each other. He wished that she would come back; he missed the warmth of her touch already. He wanted to hold her close against him, the line of her body pressing against his. He wanted to feel her lips surrendering beneath his. The thoughts of Kate filled his mind and his heart until he fell softly into a sleep that was lit by her face.

Xxx

Kate left the hospital, hoping Martha would distract Castle during her absence. She had a plan and couldn't stop the excitement from blooming within her. It felt as though his touch had planted warmth within her. It was as though his touch could banish all the darkness that haunted her, just holding his hand had pushed her panicked thoughts back into the dark corners of her mind where they lived.

Looking down at her phone, Kate felt torn at the message that flashed on her screen. Slaughter was awake. Integration would start as soon as she was back. She stood on the sidewalk, pausing where she was. The wind blew at her hair, the late afternoon sun fading behind her providing no warmth from the breeze that touched her. She had been on a mission for Castle. A mission that would bring him joy, which would thank him for saving her from the depths of her own mind. But Slaughter was ready. She ran her hands through her tangled hair, normally she would instinctively follow the cop within her. The thoughts and mind set that told her to go and hunt down Slaughter were telling her now to go to interrogation and work him until he broke. Until she broke.

But she could hear another voice within her, one that she was afraid to listen to, and one that told her Slaughter would keep. It came from her heart, it told her to go back to Castle, to give herself the joy and escape that she needed. It was the voice that had told her not to run just hours before. The voice that told Castle she loved him as he lay bleeding on the floor.

Kate stood a moment longer, the decision gnawing through her until she was so tired she could barely stand. She closed her eyes and saw his face. She knew where to go.

Xxx

When Castle awoke the room was dark, the blinds were still open and he could see the darkness that cloaked the city. The twinge in his side told him that he was still in the hospital. He rubbed his face, clearing his bleary eyes as he blinked around the room. On the far side of the room he saw her outline. She was bent over the wheelie table, an array of objects before her that he couldn't quite make out. He sat quietly, watching her slow movements, the way her hair brushed over her shoulders and back. How she moved from one foot to the other, as though she were withholding nervous twitches. He smiled when she paused, her fingers tucking her hair behind her ears. When she turned to face him, he saw the quick flash of surprise on her face. It was covered quickly with a small smile as she looked at him.

"Hey." He murmured, straining to see over her shoulder. She positioned herself so that he couldn't see, the light glow of the lamp meaning the bruises on her face faded into the darkness.

"I was thinking" she said slowly, turning her head slightly, her eyes looking down to the floor before flashing up to meet his again. "I didn't tell you how I always imagined our first date."

A slow smile spread across his face, his heart warming at the thought of her imagining their date.

"Why don't you tell me now?" His voice was low and soft in the twilight of the room.

"I always thought it would be one of our dinners at Remy's."

He held her eyes, the memories of their late night burgers flashing through his mind. He always wanted to reach across that table and tug on her hand until she fell into the booth next to him. Instead he had placated himself by gazing into her eyes from across the wide distance of the table. He looked at her, urging her to continue.

"Over a milkshake." Kate dropped her gaze again, an embarrassed smile tugging at her lips.

Castle raised a hand, he wanted to touch her, to run his fingers against the length of her smile and kiss the corner of her cheeks, where they met her lips. However Kate remained standing on the other side of the room.

"Close your eyes." She instructed quietly. He took one long look at her to sustain himself before letting his lids fall shut. He strained to listen through the darkness. He could hear the wheels squeaking against the floor before the sound paused next to the bed.

"Open them." Kate whispered now, uncertainty causing a small tremor on her voice. He opened them slowly, his eyes searching her face first before dropping to the table.

Folded up on top of the table was a woollen blanket. Next to it was a bucket of salted popcorn in a tall red container. It lent against two DVD cases which were crowded by the takeout bag from Remy's. The last item on the table was one chocolate milkshake, two straws sticking out the layer of cream on top.

The grin that broke across Castle's face scared away the last nervous flutter from Kate's stomach. She watched his face and let her teeth sink into her bottom lip.

"I thought we could have our date night." She whispered. Castle held his hand out to her; she quickly accepted it.

"Kate, this is perfect."

Kate smiled shyly.

"Yeah?"

"Yes. Perfect."

Castle glanced at the DVDs, his lips pressed together in thought.

"Hmm, now the question is, The Killer or Hardboiled? Which first?"

Kate grabbed the nearest one and pushed it into the DVD player as Castle tapped the bed next to him. Kate perched against him before slowly unwinding her body. Her legs ran down the length of his, until her feet rested again his bare toes. Her head pressed into his shoulder, her hand resting on his chest, feeling his heartbeat pounding against her hand. Castle tugged the blanket over her, tucking them in, before reaching for the chocolate shake.

Kate remained stiff against him for a few minutes, her eyes focusing only on the TV screen attached to the wall. Castle ran his hand down the length of her arm, stroking her softly. With every moment he could feel her body relaxing into his, her face pressing into his neck, her lips touching against his skin as she breathed. Castle used his hand to pull her close, glancing out the window to see a thin scattering of stars dancing above them. It was perfect.


	11. Chapter 11

_Sorry for the slow update this week! Thanks so much for reading, I'm loving your reviews :)_

 **Chapter Eleven**

Morning broke silently over the small hospital room. It cast dark amber hues across the bed, settling in the golden tones of Kate's hair. It was the vibration of Kate's phone on the small table that pulled them from their restful slumber. Kate nuzzled her head back into the warmth, refusing to rise to meet the day. She felt surprisingly well rested. Stretching out slowly she felt the warm form next to her begin to move. It sent a quick jolt through her as she remembered where she was. She was actually in bed with Castle.

Kate peeked up to his face, hoping to steal a glance, but his eyes were already open, their stark blueness staring into her. A slow blush covered Kate's cheeks as she gave him a small smile.

"Hi." She spoke quietly, shyness overcoming her.

"Hey." He replied, his eyes filled with warmth as he looked at her.

Around the room the remnants of their date remained littered as evidence. The empty popcorn bucket stood on the small table next to the TV remote. They'd only made it thirty minutes into the first movie before exhaustion claimed them both. Kate couldn't remember who fell asleep first, she just remembered the heat of Castle from beneath the blanket, his scent filling her nose and his heartbeat soothing her.

The buzzing phone recaptured Kate's attention and she sat up in order to reach it, her side instantly missing his warmth. Seeing the caller ID, Kate cleared her throat, sitting straighter as she did. Castle watched her, amazed at how a few movements could change her from the woman who had been sleeping carefree in his arms only moments before, into the form of a hard edged cop.

"Captain Gates." Kate answered the phone in greeting.

"Detective Beckett. So you are alive." Kate could hear the annoyance in the hard tone of her captain.

"That I am."

"Were you planning on gracing us with your presence today? There is a suspect waiting for interrogation and I just can't wait to take your statement."

Kate pressed her lips together, dreading the conversation that would be coming. Rising from the bed and beginning to pace the room, Kate replied.

"I'm on my way now."

"Good."

The phone cut out. Kate breathed out a heavy sigh, dropping the phone back onto the table as she turned to face Castle again. He watched her carefully, his bright eyes now filled with concern.

"Everything okay?" He asked, his hand reaching out for hers. Kate stepped over to him pressing her hand into his, relishing the touch.

"She wants to take my statement." She paused before continuing her sentence, watching Castle's eyes carefully. "And Slaughter's ready for interrogation."

Kate watched as the breath caught in Castle's throat, she could see his eyes darkening immediately. His gaze fell to her bruised eye again, before falling down to her bandaged arm.

"Hey." Kate murmured quietly, raising her hand to touch at his cheek. "I'm okay."

Castle watched her eyes, seeing the truth in them. The turmoil that had been haunting them for weeks was beginning to fade.

"Be careful?" He asked.

"I promise." She replied. "You rest up. I'll be back soon."

Kate hovered near his head, they still hadn't kissed properly yet. They'd both been so tired the night before that sleep had claimed them before passion could even begin. Kate held Castle's eyes for a moment, seeing the desire in them as her own heart pounded nervously in her chest. Kate ducked her head, losing her nerve, and pressed a quick kiss to his forehead. She pretended not to see the flash of disappointment in his eyes as she turned to leave the room. There'd be time for that later, she told herself.

Castle watched as Kate left his room, longing to feel the sweetness of her lips pressed against his. Instead he let out a soft sigh as he leant back into his pillows, trying to clear his mind from images of her in the interrogation room with Slaughter. He let himself relive the memory of their date, the sweet nervousness that had overtaken her as she revealed her plans to him. He couldn't wait for the next one.

Xxx

Kate stepped into the familiar hall of the precinct, for some reason she felt a flash of nerves race through her as she began down the corridor. Ignoring the sensation she continued, stopping only when she reached the spot where days before Castle had lain on the ground. She froze where she was, the sound of his voice calling out for her echoing in her mind. She clenched her hand shut, forcing herself to remember that he was okay now, but she couldn't quite remove the image of Castle laying ashen faced and crumpled from her mind.

A hand touching Kate's shoulder caused her to flinch as she spun around. Espo stood behind her, his hands raised as concern flashed across his face.

"Sorry, didn't mean to make you jump."

Kate smiled at him, taking in the swollen lip that marked his face.

"You okay?" She asked, her heart rate beginning to slow again to a normal pace. He nodded at her.

"Yeah. How about you?"

"I'm okay."

"And Castle?" Kate couldn't stop the quick smile that flashed across her face, she bit her lip, trying to hide it.

"He's good."

Espo smiled back at her, his facing falling quickly when he heard the shout from behind her.

"Detective Beckett."

Kate closed her eyes for just a moment. When she opened them she met Espo's gaze.

"Wish me luck." She said darkly. He shook his head and elbowed her gently.

"You'll be fine. Just tell it as it is."

With one last nod, Kate turned and headed towards Gates' office. She stood watching, leaning against the door frame, her arms folded across her chest.

"Take a seat." She instructed as she gestured towards the chairs before following Kate into the room, shutting the door and drawing the blinds as she did. Kate watched as she sat behind the desk, her fingers tapping over the dark wood. For a fleeting moment Kate's heart clenched as she wished Montgomery was still alive. She could imagine how the conversation would go, an official line with an unofficial celebratory beer and pat on the back. She missed her captain.

Gates studied Kate, taking in the wounds that marked her body as she leant back in her chair.

"Detective Beckett. Do you care to tell me how an assault arrest ended with a bar brawl in broad daylight?"

Kate pressed her lips together, her hands flat in her lap.

"Sir, we received information on the location of Slaughter and went to apprehend him."

"And you neglected to call it in because?"

"The suspect was on the move, we needed to move quickly."

Kate held Gate's eyes, her voice unwavering as she spoke.

"You then arrived at the scene and somehow ended up with three of my detectives being assaulted, and another member of the NYPD unconscious on the floor?"

Kate cleared her throat, her fingers pressing harder into her legs.

"We arrived at the scene. Ryan covered the front, Espo and I approached from behind. We wanted to lay eyes on the target before calling it in. When we saw the suspect, he noticed us so we could not pause to call it in without risk to ourselves."

Gates held her eyes, her respect growing as Kate returned the stare without even a flicker. Kate prayed that she believed her.

"And then?"

It took everything within Kate not to release a sigh of relief, instead she continued in the same flat tone.

"We entered the bar, I went to clear the back and Espo the front. In the back I found Slaughter who-" Only now did Kate's words begin to falter. "Who resisted arrest."

Gates drummed her fingers along the edge of her desk, watching Kate carefully.

"And that's how you ended up injured?"

Kate nodded, the memory of the glass glinting in the grimy light causing her breath to catch in her throat.

"How did Slaughter end up unconscious?"

"He was on me. Pinning me down. I couldn't reach my weapon. He reached for a broken bottle, the glass was in his hand…" Kate trailed off, as she drew in another steadying breath. "Espo came in and stopped him with the necessary force."

Gates watched her carefully, seeing the truth of her words in her eyes. Kate sat, staring straight ahead, waiting for whatever would come next.

"Well, Detective. I should consider suspension."

Devastation and anger flashed through Kate's eyes, her body tense and ready to jump up in reaction.

"However, considering the-" Gates paused to find the right word. "-Incident, involved finding a rouge NYPD detective, I shall let it go. This once." A clear warning shone in Gates' eyes and Kate nodded quickly.

"Thank you, Sir."

Gates stood and moved towards the door, pausing for a moment to rest a hand on Kate's shoulder.

"Good work, Detective. I'm glad that both you and Mr. Castle are okay."

Before Kate could respond Gates was at the door.

"Are you joining me in this interrogation?" Gates smiled, the message clear in her eyes. Kate grinned.

"I wouldn't miss it."

Xxx

Castle was watching the flight of a small bird from the window of his room. The doctor had just left and had seemed happy with his progress. He'd stood with a team, poking around the incision, checking the new stitches as Castle tried not to wince with pain. After some happy murmuring, the doctors had left and a lone nurse remained who quickly changed the dressings on his wound. Since they'd left, he'd tried to stop checking his phone, now only allowing himself to look every five minutes. He was sure Kate was fine, but the thought of her alone in the interrogation room with Slaughter had his heart pounding afresh. A knock at the door drew him from his thoughts and he called out permission for them to enter.

A smile spread across his face as he saw the head peeking around the door. A pale face stared worriedly at him as red hair swept forward as she moved.

"Dad!" Alexis called out as she ran to him, pausing only to throw herself at him.

"Hey, pumpkin." Castle wrapped his arms around his daughter and held her close. She pulled back to look up at him, worry still clear in her eyes.

"Are you okay? How are you feeling?"

Castle squeezed her hand.

"I'm okay. A little sore, but okay.""

Alexis squinted at him, biting into her lip.

"Do you feel hot? Confused?"

Castle squeezed her hand.

"Stop googling things. I've got great doctors who are looking after me. In fact they just left."

"I know."

Castle raised an eyebrow at her as she looked down sheepishly.

"I, um, checked in with them."

Castle shook his head before pulling her back in for another hug.

"There is one thing you could help me with." He began. Alexis looked up at him, concern flooding through her eyes again.

"Got a pack of cards?"

Xxx

Alexis sat perched on the visitors chair, her face still with thought as she studied the cards in her hand. Castle smiled to himself, reading her tells easily as he checked his cards again.

"I raise you two gummy bears."

Castle raised his eyebrow in challenge, pausing only when he saw the screen on his phone light up. He grabbed it quickly, reading the words on the screen.

'Survived Gates. Heading into interrogation now. Hope you're resting. K. x'

Castle clutched the phone, wishing he could be there with her. God he missed her.

"You in?"

Alexis' words drew him from this thoughts, nodding as he threw in some gummy bears.

'Be safe. x' He typed back.

As the game continued Castle began to lose, his gummy bear stash becoming depleted as his mind wandered, filled with thoughts of his wide eyed detective with an insatiable smile. He prayed to himself that she was okay, the memories of her panic still haunting him. Looking down at his cards, he tried to close down his mind, but he could only hear one thought over and over in his head like a heartbeat.

Kate.

Kate.

Kate.


End file.
